mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
