So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
