Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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