I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you win again, gameday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
