I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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