apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize