oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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