im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
