I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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