Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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