You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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