Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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