I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
