I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
