Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
