it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
