I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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