why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize