What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
