Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
