is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
