I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
