I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
