my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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