Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
