I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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