Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
