Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
