nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
