I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
