Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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