I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
