Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
