I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
