my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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