I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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