You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
