I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
