can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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