singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
