pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
