You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
