The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
