i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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