so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
