we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
