Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize