but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
