im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's always time for handjobs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
