I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
