Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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