Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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