I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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