dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
