rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
