look no pants
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize