hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
