at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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