she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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