I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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