I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
