Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
