I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
