my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
